At age 15, with a morning paper route and extracurricular activities that kept me in a state of permanent exhaustion, my morning (pre-dawn) wake-up procedure included the following:

1. Boom box (10-inch speakers, sonic devastation) on full volume, with “Play” button pressed
2. Lamp timer (typically used to turn lights on and off when on vacation, etc.)
3. Chairs from the kitchen
4. French Horn case
5. Music stand
6. Other furniture

I would plug the lamp timer into the electrical outlet, then plug the boom box into the lamp timer. The lamp timer would be set to the target wake time. Then I would stack the kitchen chairs and other furniture on top of one another, put the music stand and the French Horn case near them, and put the whole thing between my bed and the boom box.

When the boom box turned on at the appointed hour, it would scream at full volume and risk awaking not only my parents and brother, but the entire neighborhood as well. So I instantly shot out of my bed, desperate to shut it off. The kitchen chairs, music stand, and French Horn case naturally got in my way, and so I would dive right through them on my trajectory toward the boom box’s “stop” button. I generally wound up lying amongst a pile of overturned furniture, bruised, scraped, panting, naked, and sometimes even bleeding — but always very much awake. My first life hack.