I have used this approach with family, friends, coworkers, bosses, and anyone who wants my time. It hurts for a little while to do so in a personal relationships because there can be stress that results out of someone needing help. However, when you qualify your wishes so that they realize that if they work, people will help — it helps to teach them that you aren’t a doormat, or wet behind the ears.

In regards to dealing with people, and using the qualified “yes”, I’ve had many people go through passive agression, guilt trips, taunting me, or even trying to attack me when I’ve pulled out the “yes, but…” card. In the end, sticking to the qualification worked out for the best because my pause, or concern and qualification causes the other person/people to check themselves and determine if they truly want my help.

Also, I have learned how to cope with difficult co-workers: some don’t want to do any work, some are frustrated, jaded, or flat out don’t care. These people tend to drop guilt bombs that sting, but when qualifying your help… it helps you. “Yes I can help you, if you can do this.” Using this approach helps lessen the workload on you, and if you get good at dealing with people you can lessen your workload on to people more qualified to do tasks.

great post, eric n.