Hi! First of all, I am a happy father of two brilliant kids. My eldest is an 11-year old active girl in school, and the other is a 6-year old “sick” boy. He is suffering from asthma since birth. Although he seems “OK” now, but he still cannot talk well. His doctor said it might be due to the anti-biotic he’s been taking. Well, as for my experience, it is really very difficult to have equal time for my kids and my work. However, just like you and any responsible father, my kids are my priority. Since we really don’t want a nanny, my wife is a plain housewife. I think it’s the best tip yet. There’s nothing like the mother care. (You did not mention if your wife is working or not). Another thing, I suggest you just let them “live” alone. Do not be overprotective. Let them play and be curious about everything. Just make sure that the house is clean and safe, and be visible to them once in a while. In addition, you may want to visit me at www.withtips.blogspot.com (PARENTING TIPS)…and hope you’ll learn more. thanks!

Damn you for beating me to this!

The best skill I’ve learned from being a parent is that you really have to firewall your time, and understand when you can and can’t do certain things. I’ve had my laptop lid slammed on my fingers too many times to think I can get away with sneaking a peek at email while my son is awake, so I just got really good at putting all that stuff on the back burner until I have time by myself. It actually makes me more efficient when I do get a chance to sit down and work, because I know the time is limited. I get more done during a two-hour nap than I do during the entire day when he’s at grandma’s house.

And you’re exactly right, a low-tech solution like a notepad, something easy to carry around and resilient against spilled milk and getting thrown across the room, comes in super handy.

My heart is open to the notion that, at least for a awhile, the idea of “managing” my time is going to seem farcical. I’m now no longer the leader of my little enterprise, and I hear the new boss can sometimes be kind of a jerk.

That said, I think this will be a fascinating exercise in harnessing interstitial time — even if, for the first few months, that harnessed time gets devoted exclusively to sleep.

Looking forward to hearing whatever people have to share.

I’m a high-functioning guy who gets his kicks by crossing stuff off of a to-do list. So, when people who are thinking about having kids ask me how it impacted my life, I always tell them that you have to be prepared to:

1) be more ruthless at establishing priorities; realize that you have the same amount of time each day but a huge new priority that (hopefully) is at the top of the list

2) be willing to jettison anything from the bottom of your list of priorities to free up time for the family.

3) be flexible enough to wake up in the morning and say “I’m ok if I don’t get a single thing done today”. If you don’t say this, your kid will get sick that day and have to stay home from school/day care, and you really won’t get anything done, so you might as well come to terms with the variable of the unknown in advance. This was the single hardest thing for me to accomplish. I didn’t know HOW not to be able to do something when I wanted to do it and to have to re-schedule it. I had never had to be flexible before.

In all, I don’t set daily expectations for myself anymore. I still have my to-do list, it is prioritized, and I do things in order - I just don’t set hard deadlines. Boy, I was never a huge procrastinator, but even if I had been, having a kid would have fixed that problem straight away. Because I don’t feel like I can count on getting anything done on any one day, I do everything possible well in advance now (except for preparing for that seminar I’m giving tomorrow…I really should get back to that. Did I say I never procrastinate? Speaking of procrastinate, did you know that the word comes from the Latin “pro” (for) and “cras” (tomorrow)…)

Finally, although not advice, I always like to end on something positive: I found that while my time at home in the evenings and on weekends was spent more with family not getting things done, my multitasking abilities sky-rocketed once my daughter came along. I wound up compensating for not being as functional at home by being much more efficient at work (which my boss no doubt appreciated!) Having kids can be scary, in that it is a life-changing experience - if you feel, like I did, that what you do (your activities and interests) define you, then there will be a new you once your kids arrive - but if you embrace change and look for new opportunities, it will be a great time.

I work full-time (for now) and recently started back to a full-time course load in school. My job is pretty much just a 40 hour a week block of time that I trade to pay the bills, so I have to be as effective as possible when I get home.

My wife is a stay at home mom, and budding photographer. She is able to take care of the baby (nearing 2) during the day, handle doctor’s visits, keep the house in line, and also cooks some nights. This is a tremendous help, and if you are in a situation where your wife can stay at home, I suggest trying it.

When Zoe first came home, we would take turns feeding/changing/holding/playing with her. Not just alternating each time but taking like 6 hour shifts. The off-duty person could then have a fairly large chunk of time to catch up on sleep, get large tasks done, etc. That was a huge help when the baby’s feeding times are only hours apart and diapers are even closer. She slept quite a bit so I could still squeeze in a few e-mails or small tasks during naps. As she got older she no longer needed the constant attention, and enjoyed playing in the floor or pack and play for a while.

I hadn’t heard of GTD at the time, so I was not taking full advantage of my time. Looking back, I could have made vast improvements just by having my next actions ready to go when I came off baby duty. Things like processing e-mail and inbox, brainstorming projects, reading reference materials, can all be done while the baby is sleeping, and even if s/he does wake up, you won’t be in the middle of something that you can’t put down. Get all your big tasks lined up and ready to go, so that when you do get your break you don’t spend half of it figuring out what to do, or doing things that could just as easily be done during the baby’s naps.

The big thing is that each of you need to understand that the other person’s free time should be as interruption free as possible. This is not to say that you should run to other ends of the house, just be aware that your significant other might need some time alone to get things done. You might even work out a system to let the other person know when you need quiet time. Then if you know they are busy on something, ask yourself before interrupting if it would be important enough to interrupt you during your free time (sick, hurt, first anythings, etc.). If both sides don’t take it seriously then one or both of you end up not getting anything done, and becoming frustrated.

We also stay on top of each others schedule, so if I need to go see about a potential job, my wife can watch the baby while I’m out, and vice-versa. We tried to be as structured as possible while remaining flexible enough to allow for un-expected changes.

Shay

Just as you’re going to have different parenting challenges with your newborn than a sixteen year-old, your time management challenges will also be different.

I’ve got two active daughters, for example, 10 and 7, busy with dance and karate, and what my wife and I have made effective use of over the past year or so is a simple family calendar created in Microsoft Word, updated frequently, and posted on the fridge. Everybody knows where everybody is supposed to be for the day. That helps a ton.

But there’s no way we needed that when our oldest was first born. Then the first year was as much about adjusting to the very real time demands of this little bundle of baby that quite literally couldn’t do a single thing for herself. Completely dependent on others for her survival.

As Joe suggests, probably the best advice for GTD with a newborn is to be okay with NOT getting anything done, other than sleep. You’ll be busy enough addressing the basic human needs of your new child that some of the other @HOME tasks just won’t seem as important.

The first six months were fine. I was able to use the tiny bits of time to finish a large project I was working on. After that, fatigue kicked in and I slowed down considerably.

Once I settled in to the new schedule, I found it difficult to replicate my early success working on a project here and there. I suffered from interruption anxiety. I always expected to be interrupted if I was working at home. I couldn’t focus unless I went to a coffeeshop for a couple hours.

I still find myself thinking about my work while I’m supposed to be a puppy dog, and my daughter (now 4) knows I’m not fully into the game. I keep telling myself that when she starts school, I’ll be able to focus again.

Not really time management, but as the big fella said in his post, he’s going to be looking for sleep wherever he can get it. Think about the longest bender you’ve had in Amsterdam and then times by ten. My tip is get the biggest bean bag you can find and sling it in the nursery. You/Madeline(?) can then catch some ZZZs whenever the opportunity arises. Even ten minutes will be a blessing and it will be so much nicer if its on something comfy. Its all worth it though =] Once they start walking, they start to sleep a WHOLE lot better.

shayarnett reminded me of a great point about maintaining productivity while caring for kids by writing “I could have made vast improvements just by having my next actions ready to go when I came off baby duty”. Much like waiting to respond to e-mails until commuting via bus, you can save up tasks and dedicate them to times when your mental cycles aren’t being spent on your kid (much easier when kid=baby). For example, when I have issues that I need to make decisions on and I want to spend a good amount of time thinking about them, I save these tasks for the time I spend feeding my daughter a bottle or taking her for a walk in her stroller. This gives me a good 10-15 minutes to do baby care and also mentally organize for and prioritize upcoming tasks.

Brittp, your post reminded me that I can still make advances in my multitasking abilities. I, too, suffer from interruption anxiety. Some of my co-workers with kids have been able to play with their kids while simultaneously working, and I’m constantly envious of their ability to do so. For some reason, I just can’t start some projects when I have a fear of being interrupted (especially reading, which I do quite a bit of for my research). The way I cope with this: I’ve decided that mom was right: if something is worth doing, it is worth doing well. When I have family time, I devote it 100% to my baby. I’ve adopted the opposite of “Work hard, play hard”. In my mind, if I play hard with my daughter, she’ll enjoy it more (and also sleep better once I’ve tired her out!) Then, my reward is to have time to work hard while she’s napping!

First of all I have to point out that my ‘kids’ are 21 and 25 years old. So that just proves you can survive it !! Seriously , the only way to cope with the change in your lives , and make no mistake it is a major change, is to ‘Go with the flow’. Planning will go out of the window until the little bundle of joy is at least sleeping through the night. Sleep deprivation is a major problem , I managed to drive home from work to the WRONG HOUSE , admitidly we had moved from it 3 weeks previously and thankfully I didn’t get as far as getting out of the car but I felt so stupid. All the negatives aside it is great having kids , and those first years fly past. Above all enjoy it Congrats Merlin …and make the most of the next few months !!

First off, congratulations Merlin. I picked up on GTD because of 43 Folders, and it’s pretty much the only thing that’s made this last year even work. Today’s our little one’s 11 month-old birthday.

In no particular order:

As mentioned above, learn to accept the fact that you will have less time for fun, housework, work-work, weekly reviews, sex, pretty much everything but the little one. You’ll have to raise the bar of what you’ll just never get around to. You should see my poor lawn…

If you think you hate clutter now, just wait. Whatever isn’t in your house your kid can’t pick up and eat or choke on.

Block out big chunks of time during months 5-8 of the pregnancy for working on the home. All pregnant women must paint, or hire painters. It’s a rule. Besides, you need a nursery of some sort. Be aware of the fact that once the nursery is done, you’ll think you’re done. She’ll think she’s done. Then another big project will pop-up that MUST BE DONE before BOTH of our families VISIT ALL THE TIME. This will happen just about the time when she can barely walk let alone work on the house. Mine was a bathroom redecoration, which fortunately only took a weekend.

It gets better in a few months when they sleep through the night. Or not if they don’t.

I have two kids - 13 and 11.

First off, decide what “My kids are my number one priority really means.” Think about that one VERY hard.

In our case, we decided one of us would stop working and work full time as a Parent. Second off, we moved away from California to a place where we could afford to live with one income and safely raise our kids.

For some, “my kids are my number one priority” may mean something else, like double my workload so I can make more money so that I can send my kids to the best daycare, private schools and university.

Not saying that one is better than the other, just make your decision.

I finally feel adjusted to fatherhood, but it took me a while - my son is now 16 months old! As many people have already commented, it takes dedication to be a good parent, and when I was doing so I felt some guilt about my lack of productivity in the other areas of my life. Finally, I sat down and reconsidered what was truly important to me, revising an old personal mission statement in the process. When I realigned my priorities and saw that ‘Caring, Giving Father’ was at the top, I felt much more settled.

I know that here in loosey-goosey San Francisco it’s not a universally accepted concept, but my wife and I made sure to get both kids on a schedule as soon as possible. It will never be as rigid and dependable as an Outlook calendar, but both of our boys (2.5 years and 11 months) responded well to the structure, and we have a general idea of when and how long we’ll be able to focus on things non-baby.

We both work outside the home (well, at least until the end of last month when my wife’s long-foreseen layoff finally came to fruition), so our weekday schedules weren’t generally subject to the needs of the wee ones. The challenge on weekends lies in the fact that our boys’ schedules don’t exactly line up. The reality is that the baby still needs a morning nap, and his older brother doesn’t. We look forward to the alignment that should happen in about six months.

If you’re working from home, don’t harbor any illusions about being a primary (or secondary) caregiver and also getting work done. Looking after a child is a full-time job that fills that time more intensely as they get older. It may seem doable with the infant who sleeps half the day, but that won’t last for long. For you to work, someone else needs to be in charge of the baby. Could be your partner, a nanny, or a daycare. It just can’t be you.

That would be Get Some Sleep. Seriously, I have two girls, 3 and 1 1/2. I’ve heard rumors about kids that sleep well, like all through the night. My kids are not among them.

Sleep. And don’t just sleep, but sleep in. Enjoy sleep. Relish it. I am not overstating this.

Ok, as far as being productive, if you work primarily from home, good luck to you. I have a semi-flexible job that let’s me work out of the office some days. Since I’d rather work at home than from my local Starbucks, I had to set up an office in my garage. I have a cheap desk, a lamp, and a printer, oh and the new iMac keyboard. When I go out there I have to tell my kids (read, my wife) that I’m at work. I can’t play, can’t change diapers, can’t help when the little one’s crying.

Oh, and it doesn’t work.

Here’s my biggest Dad advice: When you’re home with your wife and kid, make it about them. Don’t worry about email. Don’t try to work while you play with your newborn, just enjoy it. It goes super fast, and to be honest, your kid doesn’t care if you’re super productive or if you suck at it. Right now, he only cares that you’re around and you’re spending time with him (her?).

Being a dad rocks, it’s my favorite job.

I can't remember exactly how it was phrased, but there is one thing that stuck with me from one of the books my wife read: you adapt the child to your life, not your life to the child.

Obviously, you can't ignore the fact that there is another person in the equation (and a demanding one at that), but you can certainly make adaptation. If on weekends you like to go to farmer's markets, you take the kid. The child will adapt to the rhythm of the family, and it will be seamless. My daughter saw that I go bike several times a week. It is now just a given: "oh...is daddy on a bike ride?" There are probably subtler ways. If I had been a hard core GTDer since she was born, she'd probably put things in inboxes for her dolls to do.

The second, though it is really a life tip, is pick your battles. A lot of things you used to have as an "and" might have to be "or." You used to have an immaculate house and a daily workout. Now, you might get to have:

(an immaculate house or a daily workout) or (a relatively clean house and a workout every other day)

Deciding on a balance that works for you is important.

I’m actually in the throes of going through yet another change in my working life to better serve my family. When my daughter (now almost 3) was born I was working at a large company that I no longer had any interest in working for, but had a great wage and benefits package. I also was earning some income as a writer/performer on a freelance basis, and really wanted to be able to do that and be with my family - strike a balance of sorts.

But that changed after listening to and learning from Jonathan Coulton (tremendously talented musician) and making the decision to move on from my less-than-stellar job and take a full stab at freelancing, while my wife continued to work as an acupuncturist/waitress and my daughter went off to daycare.

That lasted for about a month, as money became tighter and I found a job working for a Mac dealer that I came across by accident. Also, my wife landed a sweet job as the resident acupuncturist at a local care clinic that enabled her to quit serving. All this while my daughter went to daycare, and I muddled through a few creative projects here and there.

Then the daycare fell through after we tried to get our daughter into one closer to home. That daycare turned out to be not at all what we thought it was, and her previous daycare had already filled her spot. While we searched for a new provider, I came to the realization that half of my monthly income was going to daycare - and my wife and I made the call to have me scale back to part time in-store work (and my boss was generous enough to modify my position to allow me to telecommute to make up the balance of the 25 hours per week) and I would stay home with my daughter going forward.

It was the best decision we could have made. The move has allowed me to spend more time with my family, enabled me to focus more on freelance work as well - and plan better as a result. We’ve also managed to take what used to be a very rushed daily routine and make it manageable by putting myself in a more domestic role. The stress levels have dropped (including my daughter’s), and I’ve become far better at GTDing than ever before.

I’ll stress that, as Merlin has said, multi-tasking is a non-existent entity, and this is especially true when kids arrive. Focus will shift and you just have to be nimble. But I find it’s easy whenever I remember who I’m ultimately doing it for.

The biggest stumbling block I have found is my wife’s assumption that, if I am visible, I am available. It’s human nature, and apparently there is little way around the reality that she will approach me for help with the little one no matter how busy I appear to be, how busy I’ve told her I am, how unavailable I am, and that includes being on a conference call. If I am visible, I am available. There are three steps to solve this. The first and most important is communication. “Honey, today I am working at home from 11:30 to 1:30. My office door will be closed. Please feel free to walk in for help if our daughter’s hair is on fire.” Two, is being an absentee father (doesn’t that sound moral?). There are times I must go away in order to help my wife resist temptation. I must earn the money that will pay to raise the family. And three is to devote every moment I am not actually working to the family. There is no down time, no “me” time, no fuzzy in-between time — and NO MULTITASKING. When I’m working, I’M WORKING. When I’m with the family, I’M WITH THE FAMILY.

Visit a blog by an Oscar-nominated screenwriter.
http://scriptwriting.blogspot.com

I actually read my RSS feeds while standing over the toilet. No joke. Google Reader mobile and an iphone (works fine with any phone, of course).

Talk about interstitial time? “I’m getting a drink of water!” .

You truly will have little time for these things, and if you’re at all human you’ll feel sick to your stomach for hunching over a computer while your little monster is awake and wants to play.

When they are toddlers, get them involved in the things you want to get done. Get a “Learning Tower” and they can “help” out with the dishes, etc.

We’re all agreed, though. You will never enjoy anything more than being a Dad, so just forget about trying. Enjoy it fully.

Couple things that are working for me/us:

• Any mechanical stuff like scheduling, or general tasks are all handled via email even though my wife and i are about 20 feet from the other at any given time. It just stops the looping of repeating - confirming - checking - etc. Keep the mechanical mechanical.

• Work weird hours… Since my commute is about 17 seconds, I made it a habit to get up early and get in the office. Before my wife, my daughter, or two dogs start to stir, I can plow through the low hanging stuff and usually take a nice chunk out of a project. I can often get 2-3 hours of total solitude. That way if everything goes in the toilet that day - I’m ahead. Remember what Henry Rollins taught us - “sleep is for lightweights.”

What I still find tough is changing states (“shifting gears”). Going from changing a diaper or negotiating a nap and then back to “work”.

This can be controversial, so do what works for you. I’m not saying this works for everyone.

With our first child (now 3 1/2 years old), my wife and I barely slept for the first 3 months, because he was an incredibly fussy sleeper. He would only sleep on one of our shoulders. Luckily, I can operate with very little sleep usually. But, after 3 months of little sleep, I was beyond beat.

We instituted a version of cry it out. I know that sounds cruel and unusal to many people. But, the first morning I went to pick him up from his crib, he was grinning from ear to ear and had slept through most of the night - interuppted by a feeding of course.

Not only was my son happy, but since we had a rigid 7:30 p.m. bedtime, my wife and I regained 2 - 2.5 hours every night to catch up with each other and temporarily recharge our batteries.

Again, it may not be for everyone, but it worked for us. Without that time at night to recharge, I would not have been the Dad I wanted to be.

If you’re interested, check out the book - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

JR

I recently had another daughter who is two months old, and have another daughter who is 4-1/2 yrs. old. Before I had my two kids, I made more money, did more consulting jobs, and generally had more energy. You will see that once you have kids, that parenting (properly) is by far the toughest job you will ever have. It is also the most rewarding. Sure, it was tough losing pay, especially since I am a Levenger head, and their stuff is not cheap, until it goes on sale. Learn to do more with less (isn’t that what technology is all about anyway). You have to “shell script” your life, to be productive. Use “named pipes” to get more that one chore done at once. The only way is to experience this. Very hard to explain.

Your laundry will skyrocket! Especially, if you plan on washing your own diapers, which I do not do, but wish I could of, so we are not such a strain on the local landfill with all the diapers. Babies dirty clothes up quick. Spit ups, “blow outs” (you will find out the meaning of a “blow out” rather quickly), and all sorts of other messes find their way on to baby’s clothing. Try to be as green as you can, but it is not easy, especially if one or both of you have to work.

If you can, have a quick look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave Yea, that is kind of sad, at how the US treats both parents, and kids. Where are our priorities? Don’t get me started on politics, I am a bleeding heart liberal, and damn proud of it. The current administration leaves all children behind in my view.

Breastfeed. Not you, Merlin, but your wife. You could try, but would probably solicit some strange looks from your wife, and the baby, as no milk would come out. Honestly, I feel a little jealous that my wife can nourish our children by doing this. While some people find this disgusting (which I have no idea why, where there formula companies a hundred years ago?), I think your wife will form a special bond between your baby by breastfeeding. Of course, there are all kinds of reasons why one should breastfeed, just google away.

Never yell at your kids, unless it is really needed. My daughter is 4.5, and I have never hit, or really yelled at her, and she is the most respectful, gentle person. If I even raise my voice, or let her know that I am in the least way disappointed in her actions, she crys, and almost always will correct her behavior. Save the raised voice, for that time they dart out into the road, and you really need their attention. Otherwise, they will grow a callous in their ears to the yelling, and just not pay attention.

Always explain as much as you can to them, no matter what the age. Kids are little sponges, and are smarter at what ever age they are, than you think. They listen, and they want to learn, so let ‘em learn. Talk to them like an adult when explaining things to them.

Skin time: Great for both mom and dad. Get as much skin to skin contact with your baby, right after they are born. They love it, are more comforted, and it is so, so pleasant. It is a great way to bond with baby, and having learned a lot since my first daughter, I can sometimes calm my two month old by whispering to her, and placing her on my bare chest. So much better than crying, and you get to bond.

Make your kids the center of your universe. Sure it’s a cliche, but they are the future, and someone needs to turn out a real decent, caring generation of kids. Not that all kids are bad, but bad kids are usually a result of bad parenting. Forget money, work, anything - just put your kids first, and you will be rewarded in so many other ways, that no money can match.

Sleep? forget it. Get it when you can, and just realize that you will turn into a zombie at times. That’s life with kids. Our first kid had colic, and we were both absolute zombies. Some nights she would scream all night. Very hard. There is not much that can be said about this, other than it is hard, and you just have to buck up and deal.

You wife and you will certainly have some disagreements. Your wife’s hormones will be going crazy, coupled with lack of sleep, and other demands, and suddenly you are a jerk. Accept it. Practice this: “yes dear”. It’s just the hormones, and is temporary. Nothing personal. Just say “yeas dear” (replace dear with your pet name, of course)

Most of all, enjoy and cherish every moment. Take a picture each month of the little one, and place a number next to the picture or photoshop one in. It looks cool when you make a little time lapse movie of the growth of your child, over each month.

If you pray, or what ever spiritual guidance you may have, just ask for a healthy baby. That is the best luck you can have. My heart goes out to the parents that have to deal with chronic diseases or genetic issues. Just wish for a healthy baby.

Best of luck,

Bruce

Firstly, congrats to Merlin on the parent club membership.

My kids aren’t that old (7 & 4) but I’ve noticed that their demands on my time are constant but in different ways. From full time carer when they are new borns through the “difficult” toddler times to now where I seem to be taking them places. I guess as they grow older still it’ll be demands on my time (but at different times, “can you pick me up from the pub?”)

In the early days its definitely a case of cracking the sleep patterns. If you’re lucky Merlin, you’ll have a baby that likes to be awake in the daylight!! There seems to be a lot of debate at the moment (in the UK anyway) as to how soon you should move baby from the parental bedroom to their own rooms. We did this after several months and this seemed to condition them well to going to sleep. They went to sleep on their own, I was talking to a Mum the other day who still has to stay in the room with their child until they fall asleep. Time with Maddy will be precious so having an hour or two at the end of the day on your own is golden.

However much time I spend with my kids the pleasure I get out of it is more than they will ever know. Watching them learn to walk, swim, ride a bike and the looks on their faces when they finally crack it are priceless.

My worst times are when I have to work away from home, I miss them. Its heart breaking talking to them on the phone, but even worse when I leave at a time when they are about (I normally try to leave the house before they wake)