My wife and I were able to give much of our baby stuff away to friends and family that were having their first baby. What wasn’t taken by them was given to local charities.

For clothes, my wife has a network of new moms she met through mom’s clubs, and she trades clothes with those who have younger/older children of the same gender.

Since we had twins we were happy to take in used stuff and we continue to keep the cycle going with various friends and family. Bags and boxes are always on the way in or out filled with outgrown or yet to be used stuff.

But, giving it away is only an option after you decide things need to go. My wife and I had a pretty cluttered house to begin with but adding two kids was opening a 7-11 in our house. There are always weird smells, lots of food that we’ll never eat, and a couple of people hanging around who we really cant understand but we are forced to interact with to get things done.

What has worked for us is a couple of things. First off, our bedroom, now that the kids are two, is a baby free zone. Not that they dont go in to the room but we have no “baby stuff” hanging around. Our bathroom does, that’s where the kids get bathed, but in our bedroom proper we try and keep it adult as possible so there is some escape. Since our house is two stories and the bottom floor is basically a big open space, we just gave that over to the kids. By deciding, or at least pretending we had a choice, that the bottom floor was the kid zone it really doesnt bother us when its messier than we’d like or that there are toys all over the place.

Keep a box for giveaways handy. My wife keeps one upstairs in each of the closets, one for boy clothes, one for girls. Makes giving them away much easier since we’ve pre-sorted them. Also I keep a box in the garage which is convenient to take toys out and “file” for giveaways. Making it as painless as possible to get stuff out is key for us.

Rotate toys. Take some of the crap out of circulation for a while, tuck it in a closet or whatever, and bring it back a few weeks later and repeat the cycle. Its amazing how much more use you get out of stuff when it’s “new”. Remember, babies are dumb. Use that to your advantage while you can.

My wife and I shared most of our baby stuff with friends or donated it to worthy causes. But now we are struggling with the proliferation of toys. It never ends.

We are going to go through them all, with the kids help, and do some purging. We will see what shape they are in and then decide what to do with them all.

It is a ever-growing pile of stuff that is taking over our house. I just want it to stop, but I don’t see that happening.

Happy to discover that “It’s All Too Much” is available on Audible.

It’s much easier for me to sneak new audiobooks past The Wife than dead tree versions, which she has a habit of picking up and hitting me with. Ok, really she just rolls her eyes and sighs, but it HURTS JUST THE SAME.

ANYWAY, hey, you know, if you should find yourself on a show, maybe like a radio show or maybe one of these new “audio podcast” things that the kids are talking about, you might even “pick” this as an audiobook

http://www.audible.com/adbl/site/products/ProductDetail.jsp?productID=BKSANS000841&BV_UseBVCookie=Yes

if that doesn’t work try this: http://tinyurl.com/yrz7q7 (same link, shortened)

and if THAT doesn’t work, try

http://xrl.us/bjnf2 (Google search of Audible.com)

ps - it’s unabridged, ~7hrs. I still don’t “get” abridged audiobooks. If the stuff wasn’t important, why did they kill trees over it?

6 months eh? Great stuff! I agree with @williamk about keeping the bedroom baby stuff free. Good tips there. Our bathroom is en suite so I’m glad we have a spare one to keep the baby bath stuff in. And as ours is approaching 12 months, I notice it’s easy to give away stuff, especially stuff that others gave away to us - easier when you haven’t paid for it. Also we keep a large baby den in the living room where all toys etc get dumped in to maintain the illusion of less clutter! (Don’t know what the US term is for baby den but if you google it you’ll see what I mean)

Assuming that your daughter was born on the 27th, next Sunday will be her birthday. It will be the sixth mensiversary of her birthday. I once worked on a website dedicated to the concept of celebrating mensiversaries of special dates, rather than anniversaries.

Ahhhh Merlin, wait until your daughter can walk. I am sure, that my two (3 and 6) are able to carry at least two times their own weight in toys from one room into another in less than 3 seconds. It is amazing how little time it takes until every room of our two story house is a complete mess.

Your only chance is to set up some rules that you insist on merciless. Ours are

1) no toys in out bedroom or in our home office
2) do not eat while playing. food inside and outside of toys is just …..
3) there are toys for playing inside and others for playing outside
4) grandparents and other relatives and friends are only allowed to give ONE present at a time. Until we had set up this rule, each kid got a gazillion presents on christmas or on birthdays, adding to the clutter
5) kids have to help cleaning the mess each evening (they have to be at least 2.5 years for that)
6) accept that it is not ‘your’ house any longer (sigh)

One last comment on used clothes. The feeling of ‘i do not want to have my kids to wear used clothes’ goes away when they have ruined a new bought dress the second time in one month. To go play in the mud, to climb in trees, to go into the woods, used clothes are PERFECT !!! And when you are used to that, you start swapping clothes for other occasions. Kids grew so fast, they do not have the chance to wear up regular clothes. Why throw away something that is still in perfect shape, why buy something new when you do not have to (think of the ressources and how you can help the environment).

I have two little ones 3 1/2 and almost 2. and am just starting to figure out some of the keys. Here are some tips based on things that have worked for me.

1. crap toys: fastfood, freebie toys. Keep a little container where these tend to live, once a week dump it. Don’t let these get a foothold.

2. thrift store. Find one or many, find out their policies for types of toys and when to donate. If you are like me and have lots of family, they all buy stuff for the little ones. If it has been around for 6 months, and it isn’t one of the absolutely favorite toys. It’s had a good run.

A good way to start selecting candidates is introduce a second toy box with a lid. After a few weeks the bottom of that one will be full of toys that haven’t been touched in months. Take em to the thrift store.

1. straighten up the play area, do it every night. It makes life feel better when the little one is sleeping. You can also sort of make a game of the clean up too. This helps you have a real idea how much stuff there is, what is getting played with and what isn’t. And when you put it away the height of the piles let you know that it is too much better than, there is stuff everywhere single pile in the room.

2. Be ruthless about what your life is now. If you think you are going to build that tiny little amp in an altoids tin, or some kind of little robot. Forget it. You will not get to it. Your fake hobbies (the ones you think you wish you had) are no longer a priority. You also can’t read everything. Don’t be afraid to part with books. Yes I said it books. If you look at it and don’t think I can’t wait to read this again. It needs to get sold or given away. Pronto, before the value is zero.

good luck.

Unconscious incompetence

“How hard can it be to have a baby in the house?”

Conscious incompetence

“Oh shit. There’s a baby in the house. What have I done?”

Conscious competence

“My previous life has gone. But I’ve mourned. And I’m over it”

Unconscious competence

“Hmm. Should we have another one?”

At the beginning every context is @baby as she fully occupies two adult humans 24hrs a day. It’s best to just give in to this bit.

Also some contexts have gone and won’t come back for a long, long time. After 3 kids I’m waiting for “@bed with papers” to come back. I reckon another 8 years should do it.

The next major context shift is @crawling - that’s when you’d better declutter or your stuff gets chewed. My oldest once forced me to switch from cassette to CD by patiently pulling out all the tape in every cassette and sitting in it.

After that is the standing/walking stage or @DMZ when you move everything in your house up by two feet or more. Believe me you’ll create a perfect clutter free two foot high zone all around your house.

Nature plays a trick then and you’ll find yourself creating the context @sibling. Then it starts again and you can bring all the old stuff out again from where you hid it. Perfect recycling.

My advice is to hide the stuff not give it away unless you are absolutely sure you won’t need it again.

Sometimes the best way to get rid of clutter is to have a bonfire. Yep! Pile it all up, douce it with gasoline, break out some coat hangers and marshmallows, and have yourself a good ‘ole bonfire at the expense of all that old crap you never seem to want to part with. Great for parties. Your A&M buddies will love you.

Merlin,

Thanks so much for this post. I’m glad you enjoyed (err, is that right word?) the book, chilling though it might be. These are great ideas as are those of the other posters. I’m actually working on a story right now about how parents can make raising kids a more environmentally endeavor, so this is all on very much on my mind (de-cluttering often going along with more environmentally-minded actions).

Best, Pamela Paul

As we trawled through old clothes and other junk we found that we kept on finding reasons to keep stuff, it is impressive how hard it is to give away that cute t-shirt with the dinosaur on that he puked down. So we got a keepsake box made that we would use to keep the things we really wanted. Being bound by the size of the box and not wanting to have it overloaded by the time he got to be 2 meant that we were far more ruthless in our clearing out and only kept the items that really had some meaning with the rest either going to charity shops or being put away for a possible number two.

When it came to toys we found that relatives, grandparents in particular, were quite happy to keep some of the excess. That had the double benefit of clearing them out of our house whilst meaning that when we went for visits we didn’t have to load the car up with a load of toys.

Over the last two weeks I estimate that I’ve gotten rid of somewhere between 33% and 50% of my worldly possessions, including about 80% of my books. It feels good! Hardly any of it was kid stuff, though — I decided to be ruthless about my own stuff first. At a yard sale this weekend I finally got rid of all sippy cups, maternity clothes, bottles and the baby gate. My youngest is in kindergarten! What was I waiting for?! Most of what I purged came out of the top cabinets, the high shelves — places I couldn’t see or reach anyway. It just feels good to know that there is SPACE there now.

Two random tips that may or may not be useful to you:

1. When it comes to your kid’s stuff, the longer you hold on to it the more emotional power it has. If you can toss the ephemeral scribbles on the day they are made, you will be ahead of the game. Wait six months and those will seem like precious keepsakes. My friends were horrified by this attitude, but it preserves my sanity.

2. RE: the yard sale: I sat out there for about three hours, and made $100. After three hours I was tired of doing it, so I announced that everything was free. After all, I just wanted it GONE. Naturally, people took away armloads of stuff, and within the hour everything was gone. I didn’t have to deal with any of it at the end of the day.

One, we move frequently. When baby #1 was gestating, we moved. When baby #2 was gestating, we moved again. The slowmadic lifestyle, (moving when the lease is up, or now, when we find a house we like) coupled with pragmatic laziness keeps clutter to a minimum.

Two, we moved to a smaller house. Now we physically don’t have room for crap we don’t need. Plus, everything is cheaper when you live in a tiny house. Aircon, heating bills, area rugs - all much smaller than before.

We manage our kids clutter by not buying them anything. Every Christmas and birthday, we pile up the crap our kids get, let them keep one toy, and send the rest to a shelter. Our only exception to the gift purge is books, though I draw the line at ShockWave manuals.

your thoughts on how you beat the crap back after your little one arrived and took over.

I didn’t. I decided that life is too short and too much fun to fight a losing battle. I embrace the crap and don’t let it be the reason for an endless fight with my kids.

My daughter is now 2 years old, and I think by now we have more or less a handle on things. Two things that worked for us:

• We moved from our apartment to a house, and in the new place we were able to devote a room as “play room”. Now most of the toy-related clutter stays there, we clean up every couple of days, but it’s not too bad if there’s toys all over the floor because it stays there. It also makes a nice place to spend some family time together.

• Like barbex said, you have to allow a certain level of mess. Essentially accept that your life will never (in the near future at least) be as tidy, ordered or predictable as it was when you were childless. BUT that is no a bad thing! Having a child has given my life a whole new perspective in which keeping a tidy house is not the most important thing - rather enjoying every moment I can with my family is.

And Merlin, as a friend of mine told me when my daughter was about 6 months old: enjoy immobility while it lasts ;-)

We have three children and by number 3 I had figured something out: You do not need 98% of the stuff the parenting industry makes you buy. Baby alarms - nope (babies don’t do quiet when they need something - they evolved to make sure you damm well know about it), all the feeding clutter - nope by number 3 we sterilized for a couple of months until we became aware that her bottle might be clean but the toys & hand that spent most of the time in her mouth certainly are not sterile, etc. etc.

Again we started off buying loads of toys for our first child but soon saw that only a fraction of them were played with - now we have ruthless purges periodically and limit purchasing as well. The key tip here is make sure you do the purges when the children are not around - because they will suddenly “remember” how some toy they have barely touched is their “favourite” (for all of 3 seconds)

And all the junk you accumulated and now realize you no longer need? - that’s what friends on their first time pregnancies are for…..

Of course children & babies bring mess and clutter and there are toys that they do play with - but it is much easier when you see that stuff is being used and is enjoyed/useful etc.

Well my girl is 5 now and lets just say gone are the days of a tidy safari broswer. One of the main reasons I switched to firefox was to hand over safari to my daughter. I had too many barbie dressup game shortcuts. Just another decluttering task you have to stay on top of. I had a hard enough time organizing my shorties now I’m doing hers too. Lesson 1 teach you kids 43 tabs. feel free to register that.

In all honesty, right now I’d buy some good size baskets and divide the toys into types. Put some of each type in the baskets and rotate the baskets - keeping out favourite toys on view. Right now, at 6 months, little Miss E needs to have variety and comfort. That is to say, stuff that is new to explore and familiar toys that help her deal with a transient environment (which it always is when you’re 6 months old, as you don’t make you own decisions :)

While you are doing that give away anything to Goodwill that she has now grown out of - that would be anything ‘early baby’ like black and white pictures/patterns - but there won’t be a lot yet. Babies use toys in different ways at different stages of development.

Once my son turned one (last June) and his birthday (and all the looming crap that brings!) was on the horizon then there were plenty of toys he was growing out of and I could happily give away to charity or friends having babies. At 6 months, not so much.

As for setting up a nursery and losing the home office - get kid friendly furniture. Here in the UK there is a company called the Great Little Trading Company (www.gltc.co.uk). I’m guessing your equivalent might be pottery barn kids but don’t hold me to that. Anyway, they have fab sturdy furniture suitable for the little toddler Miss E will become. A pretty baby nursery suddenly has to become a rough and tough play place. I’d totally recommend finding a book sling bookcase for picture books - http://icanhaz.com/booksling - because it means you have somewhere for them (ordinary booksheleves are often too small) and the toddler can pick out the book by the cover, rather than empty them onto the floor in the pile each story time.

Personally, I’d concentrate on getting rid of YOUR clutter first - then working on the kid stuff. And probably accept that kid-clutter is on your horizon for another couple of years until your toddler becomes pre-schooler and begins to understand putting away and getting out.

Last tip, as a temporary measure during this stage, get a BIG toy trug or trunk with a lid that you can dump all the toys into at the end of the day. Sometimes I’m too knackered to put everything away appropriately but I don’t want to sit in it all either. Come downstairs from bedtime routine, chuck it all in, shut the lid, enjoy a large glass of mother’s ruin, then tackle the housework/tidying up.

One word: consignment. There’s a franchise here in Boston called The Children’s Orchard - you bring in your gently used babycrap and they pay you for it. You can opt to take the payment in cash, OR you can get it on a card that you can re-use at the store (in which case they pay you more). It’s unbelievably awesome.

Any time you need someone to post on this stuff…

Yeah, your house is no longer yours, so just accept that now and get it over with. Once she reaches the appropriate age you can definitely have her help you clean up every day before bath/bedtime. Kids eat that stuff up for some reason, “helping” and all that.

Having multiple bins or boxes for toys is a great idea, and you rotate them every couple of weeks or whatever.

Setting rules for toy giving is a great idea too, and better yet, don’t set up public wish lists! Either set up multiple wish lists (one clothes, one toys, one books, etc), and direct people to the one you want them to pick from; or just tell everyone exactly what you want them to give your daughter. If you don’t get control of the toys, they will take over your life, and most of them will suck anyway.

You can never have too many balls. If you know anyone in the audio visual business, ask for their used flipchart pads, great art paper. What else… uhm… that about covers it I guess.

Oh, one more thing: don’t introduce her to any music that you’re not fully prepared to listen to 19 times per day.

My wife and I have 2 boys and 2 girls from ages 1-6. For the first two, we really didn’t have to deal a whole lot with stuff—we lived in an 8 ft wide ‘49 model trailer and I made windows and pizza for a living. Now, with a much better job and a much bigger place, we do have more stuff for the kids (and us).

Clothes- we have kept a lot of clothes. When the kids grow out of clothes, my wife folds them up and seals them (clean) into those gigantic ZipLoc bags. They stack oh, so nicely in the storage room and stay fresh for the next one to grow into them.

Toys - Before we had a dedicated playroom (from which the toys are not allowed to migrate), my wife would store half of the toys and some evening a few months later, she would switch them. It’s amazing how new old toys can seem to kids!

Last tip-move often— the Air Force moves us every two to four years and gives us weight restrictions. It’s always a great time to get rid of that stuff we haven’t used in forever. Not everyone moves so often, but from it we have learned the benefit of periodic mass-junkings.

Just attended "Defending the Caveman" and our host asked the question: "Who owns this house?" It was clear from the laughter and applause, that the wives owned this space. The men were relegated to garages and basements, and maybe a bathroom, or a shed. The rest of the space was controlled by the woman. I've had this experience in my own relationship-- but my wife is VERY organized, and loves GTD because it has helped me be more organized. In his parlance, the woman owns the cave. So you're not going to make much progress on this unless your wife buys in.

I really despise clutter despite the fact that it seems to plague my life--hence my seeking your sagely advice for eradicating here at 43F but I digress...

Merlin, dude. There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth in your future if you do not heed this wisdom: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN

One of the many things a little developing mind likes to do is explore. This is a very messy process. If you haven't already, starting keeping ANYTHING that can be spilled, unpacked, shuffled, plucked, stretched, yanked, shattered, or otherwise discombobulated, broken, or disorganized at least 48 inches above the floor. Lock the cabinets with child-proof/adult frustrating plastic guards cum torture devices for the impatient.

Eleanor will undoubtedly find all 43 of your folders and spill their contents on the floor and/or decorate them with some unsavory combination of whatever she last ate, dust bunnies, and some sort of mucous only a child can excrete.

I'm enclosing an extra measure of patience for you and your lovely spouse.

[If I could attach a keg of your favorite beer, it would be here]

PS> Once they start climbing and display an uncanny superhuman ability to pick locks, you're pretty much screwed. Relaxing requires controlled substances. Good luck. [That I can't attach but I'm sure is available if you answer some spam].

I probably wouldn’t be posting but my daughter turned 6 months on April 22.

Reading all of these posts, I see that the focus is primarily on toys. The primary challenge we’ve had is that everyone wants to buy clothes for the baby. We have a gross accumulation of enough clothes to outfit a hospital newborn nursery for a month. I keep enough to fill two dresser drawers (clothes at this stage are tiny!) and the rest goes to goodwill or co-workers. She doesn’t need more than that - it’s about 10 days worth in the laundry.

Don’t get me started on blankies and stuffed animals and 3 kinds of baby wash and bottles and other people’s cast-offs and “oh, you’re having a baby, oh you HAVE TO get this gadget, it was a lifesaver for us.” The only piece of equipment that we couldn’t have lived without was the baby swing. Every other gadget/piece of equipment has thus far been optional. There are two full garbage bags of stuffed animals alone in her closet that I haven’t figured out what to do with. Probably they will go to Goodwill too, once I think that people have forgotten that they gave them to her.

Don’t be afraid to donate stuff. Don’t be afraid to filter stuff as it comes in the door (or even before); it’s harder to take it back out than it is to not let it in to start with. Also, take advantage of friends whose kids are older (and preferably they have 3 or 4 kids). They’ve got this down to a science and have perspective on what is useless baby crap and what you really need.

Good luck!