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Fra uvurderlige 43 Folders: Learn the qualified “Yes” og Cancel Something. Det første jobber jeg med for tiden (noe potensielle…

If you did get that tattooed on your forehead, would it be reversed so you could read it in the mirror (or monitor reflection) or for others?

If you did get that tattooed on your forehead, would it be reversed so you could read it in the mirror (or monitor reflection) or for others?

Oh, no. It’s most definitely for others. :-)

I think this is a great technique becuase it meshes with human nature, people want to win. When I was a summer camp counselor they taught us to try not to say “No” when a camper asked for something and say “Yes, if…” instead. So when the question is “Can I go play Ping Pong?” you don’t say “No, you have to make your bed.”, you say “Yes, if you make your bed.” It works wonders and it still works once they become adults ;)

Oh great! I found this article through a link and found it interesting. So I subscribed to your feed. Yet, another thing to do:-). Guess this article had the opposite effect.

Sorry this comment was of course supposed to go to the comment section of “Modest Change: Cancel something”.

Mark Forster also suggests asking yourself, “Can I wholeheartedly say yes?” If I can’t wholeheartedly agree to whatever, then I should say no.

I also like the “Yes, and…” and “Yes, if…” ideas.

[…] Modest Change: Learn the Qualified “Yes” | 43 Folders I really enjoy the stuff Merlin Mann does over here on 43 Folders. Great website for tackling (or making) those 2006 resolutions. (tags: lifehack) […]

Excellent advice. I’m still in the “no” phase, but I’m finding that a little isolating, so a move out was imminent. This is a good step.

I have used this approach with family, friends, coworkers, bosses, and anyone who wants my time. It hurts for a little while to do so in a personal relationships because there can be stress that results out of someone needing help. However, when you qualify your wishes so that they realize that if they work, people will help — it helps to teach them that you aren’t a doormat, or wet behind the ears.

In regards to dealing with people, and using the qualified “yes”, I’ve had many people go through passive agression, guilt trips, taunting me, or even trying to attack me when I’ve pulled out the “yes, but…” card. In the end, sticking to the qualification worked out for the best because my pause, or concern and qualification causes the other person/people to check themselves and determine if they truly want my help.

Also, I have learned how to cope with difficult co-workers: some don’t want to do any work, some are frustrated, jaded, or flat out don’t care. These people tend to drop guilt bombs that sting, but when qualifying your help… it helps you. “Yes I can help you, if you can do this.” Using this approach helps lessen the workload on you, and if you get good at dealing with people you can lessen your workload on to people more qualified to do tasks.

great post, eric n.

While this is an excellent technique, the thing that disappoints me about this installment of the “Modest Change” series is its contrast to what I’ve loved about the first two: they were stripped down to “Next Action” form. I mean, they involved multiple steps, but they were actionable. This one involves a whole change of behavior and is more of a lifehack or small project than what I was hoping for in a modest change. Great post and great idea, though. It could easily be twisted around to say “Is there a project that you can place some limits on in your life?” or something similarly practical. And I do plan to use the technique. I look forward to more of these Modest Changes! Keep up the good work.

Why is it that it seems that I’m the only one that’s constantly in the “unqualified yes” phase. Any idea how one can break out of that habit?

Stop worrying about tools and stop procrastinating!

ah… work harder not smarter.

brilliant. why didn’t we think about that?

listen, dummy, this is a class in how to work smarter - brute force and bull whips is across the hall.

[…] Modest Change: Learn the qualified “yes” | 43 Folders (tags: lifehacks tips) […]

Merlin, please look in the mirror and say loudly to yourself in your best Merry Poppins era Dick Van Dyke faux english accent at the top of your lungs:

MERLIN MY BOY, YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN!

Great post! Thanks!

Solo

Thanks for recommending Steve Hagen’s Buddhism books; they reminded me of this quote:

“A human being is part of the whole, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical illusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affections for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” — Albert Einstein

Keep it simple.

[…] I know that it’s difficult but I need to learn how to say both yes and no. If I don’t start doing this I will end up not doing much of anything because I will procrastinate oodles and oodles and it will just spiral down into badness. […]

[…] (or making) those 2006 resolutions. Tagged as: [*** lifehack] Email This Post to a Friend Bookmark on Del.icio.us Related Wisdom: Del.icio.us +Yahoo […]

Very good advice and comments.