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Fra uvurderlige 43 Folders: Learn the qualified “Yes” og Cancel Something. Det første jobber jeg med for tiden (noe potensielle…

If you did get that tattooed on your forehead, would it be reversed so you could read it in the mirror (or monitor reflection) or for others?

If you did get that tattooed on your forehead, would it be reversed so you could read it in the mirror (or monitor reflection) or for others?

Oh, no. It’s most definitely for others. :-)

I think this is a great technique becuase it meshes with human nature, people want to win. When I was a summer camp counselor they taught us to try not to say “No” when a camper asked for something and say “Yes, if…” instead. So when the question is “Can I go play Ping Pong?” you don’t say “No, you have to make your bed.”, you say “Yes, if you make your bed.” It works wonders and it still works once they become adults ;)

Oh great! I found this article through a link and found it interesting. So I subscribed to your feed. Yet, another thing to do:-). Guess this article had the opposite effect.

Sorry this comment was of course supposed to go to the comment section of “Modest Change: Cancel something”.

Mark Forster also suggests asking yourself, “Can I wholeheartedly say yes?” If I can’t wholeheartedly agree to whatever, then I should say no.

I also like the “Yes, and…” and “Yes, if…” ideas.

[…] Modest Change: Learn the Qualified “Yes” | 43 Folders I really enjoy the stuff Merlin Mann does over here on 43 Folders. Great website for tackling (or making) those 2006 resolutions. (tags: lifehack) […]

Excellent advice. I’m still in the “no” phase, but I’m finding that a little isolating, so a move out was imminent. This is a good step.

I have used this approach with family, friends, coworkers, bosses, and anyone who wants my time. It hurts for a little while to do so in a personal relationships because there can be stress that results out of someone needing help. However, when you qualify your wishes so that they realize that if they work, people will help — it helps to teach them that you aren’t a doormat, or wet behind the ears.

In regards to dealing with people, and using the qualified “yes”, I’ve had many people go through passive agression, guilt trips, taunting me, or even trying to attack me when I’ve pulled out the “yes, but…” card. In the end, sticking to the qualification worked out for the best because my pause, or concern and qualification causes the other person/people to check themselves and determine if they truly want my help.

Also, I have learned how to cope with difficult co-workers: some don’t want to do any work, some are frustrated, jaded, or flat out don’t care. These people tend to drop guilt bombs that sting, but when qualifying your help… it helps you. “Yes I can help you, if you can do this.” Using this approach helps lessen the workload on you, and if you get good at dealing with people you can lessen your workload on to people more qualified to do tasks.

great post, eric n.